A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds:

Code Word: 40-ish
Really Means: 48

Code Word: Adventurous
Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will

Code Word: Affectionate
Really Means: Possessive

Code Word: Artist
Really Means: Unreliable


Code Word: Athletic
Really Means: Flat chested


Code Word: Average looking
Really Means: Ugly


Code Word: Beautiful

Really Means: Pathological liar


Code Word: Commitment-minded
Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!


Code Word: Communication important
Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise


Code Word: Contagious Smile

Really Means: Bring your penicillin


Code Word: Educated
Really Means: College dropout


Code Word: Emotionally Secure

Really Means: Medicated


Code Word: Employed
Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home


Code Word: Enjoys art and opera
Really Means: Snob


Code Word: Enjoys Nature
Really Means: Bring your own granola


Code Word: Exotic Beauty

Really Means: Would frighten a Martian


Code Word: Feminist
Really Means: Fat; ball buster


Code Word: Financially Secure
Really Means: One paycheck from the street


Code Word: Free spirit

Really Means: Substance user


Code Word: Friendship first
Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut


Code Word: Fun

Really Means: Annoying


Code Word: Gentle
Really Means: Comatose


Code Word: Good Listener
Really Means: Borderline Autistic


Code Word: Humorous

Really Means: Caustic


Code Word: Intuitive
Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count


Code Word: In Transition
Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills


Code Word: Light drinker
Really Means: Lush


Code Word: Looks younger
Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light


Code Word: Loves Travel

Really Means: If you're paying


Code Word: Loves Animals
Really Means: Cat lady


Code Word: Mature
Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did


Code Word: New-Age
Really Means: All body hair, all the time


Code Word: Non-tradional
Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement


Code Word: Old-fashioned

Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only


Code Word: Open-minded
Really Means: Desperate


Code Word: Outgoing
Really Means: Loud


Code Word: Passionate
Really Means: Loud


Code Word: Petite
Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins


Code Word: Poet
Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic


Code Word: Professional
Really Means: Bitch


Code Word: Redhead
Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle


Code Word: Reliable
Really Means: Frumpy


Code Word: Reubenesque
Really Means: Grossly Fat


Code Word: Romantic
Really Means: Looks better by candle light


Code Word: Self-employed
Really Means: Jobless


Code Word: Smart
Really Means: Insipid


Code Word: Special

Really Means: Road the short schoolbus


Code Word: Spiritual
Really Means: Involved with a cult


Code Word: Stable
Really Means: Boring


Code Word: Tall, thin
Really Means: Anorexic


Code Word: Tan

Really Means: Wrinkled


Code Word: Voluptuous
Really Means: Very Fat


Code Word: Weight proportional to height
Really Means: Hugely Fat


Code Word: Wants Soulmate

Really Means: One step away from stalking


Code Word: Widow
Really Means: Nagged first husband to death


Code Word: Writer
Really Means: Pompous


Code Word: Young at heart

Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie