JocKS...

Zardari Jokes

Here are some of those text messages that have angered the Pakistani establishment:

1. Long lines

A man standing in a long line for food tells the others in the line that he is leaving the line to go to shoot the president. He returns after a few hours and rejoins the line.

Did you manage to kill him, everyone asks him.

No, that line is longer than this one, he replies.

2. Robber meets Zardari

Robber: Give me all your money!

Zardari: Don't you know who I am? I am Asif Ali Zardari.

Robber: OK. Give me all my money.

3. TV anchor announcing:

Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved Zardari and are demanding

$5,000,000 or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate what you can. I have donated five liters.

4. Postmaster General announcing

To commemorate the ascension to the Presidency, Pakistan Post has officially launched a new stamp. But the people of Pakistan are confused which side on the stamp to spit on.

5. Announcement In Zardari's official airplane

 Mr. President , We are about to land.

could you please put Sherry Rehman (former Information minister) in an upright position. Thank you.

6. Pakistani meets American

 Pakistani to American: What do you guys do with thieves?

American: We treat them humanely and give them nice food, warm clothes and long jury trials

Pakistani: That's nothing. We give them the presidency.

7. Genie meets a Pakistani

Genie to Pakistani: Order me my master. What can I do for you?

Pakistani to Genie: Bring me all the wealth in the Swiss bank.

Genie: My name is Genie, not Zardari.

# Husband & Wife - Come Home Late

A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but how?" The neighbour said, " You see, his name is Bill ."

 # Husband & Wife - Why divorce?

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, " My lord, not a single child resembles him ."

 # Husband & Wife - Love Your Enem y

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now ."

 # Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, " Yes I am, I married the wrong man. "

 # Husband & Wife - Why ?

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax ."

 # Husband & Wife - Same Service

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counselor. " You're still getting the same service !"

 # Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband

One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him ?"

# Husband & Wife - Love To Do

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband. " But I don't know her well enough ."

 # Husband & Wife - No Answer Back

A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, " I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

 # Husband & Wife - Problem Father

"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. " What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.